Saturday 13 April 2013

Keep a hold of nurse ...

Belloc gave a sound warning. But this week perhaps Scripture's advice about not falling into the hands of the doctor might have applied to the nurse too.  They are very good indeed, the Practice Nurses here in Lymington - just that I wished they did not have to practise on me.

Well it is my own fault. I knocked my ankle. Not a wise move at my extreme old age; for the little knock would not heal - all because of poor circulation, they told me (seems I am in the same situation as the daily papers). In short, nurse took one look and decided this was a good time for a dressing - not just a little plaster over the 1/4 inch wound, but an entire bandage from foot to knee.

Thus encased, there is the question of how to bathe or shower. Nurse had an answer; a LimbO waterproof protector. You might be amused by the "Additional Warnings" on its use. It is a long plastic bag with an elasticated top, which encases the dressing. But we are told 'Never use the LimbO in recreational water activities' (so I shan't wear it for my water skiing): 'do not attempt to use the LimbO as a flotation device' (so I shan't keep it under my seat in an aircraft to use in emergency) Worse still, 'Children or persons with special needs using the LimbO must be supervised at all times'. Now I know it is probably a defined category in some government directive, but do I have special needs? I sometimes feel I need a stiff G&T: does that count? If so, who is to supervise my ablutions?

So here I am, trying to get the air out of the device to stop my leg floating away in the bath, and trying not even to consider limbo dancing... I write this not for sympathy, but just as a warning. If you must keep a hold of nurse (for fear of finding something worse), then do; but you might have to face the consequences.

PS Sorry I am not joining the twittosphere in posting about the divine Margaret: after all, de mortuis nil nisi bonum-  but I can't help wondering why the hymn at her obsequies is "I vow to thee, my country" and not (in view of her grandmotherly statement) "We vow to thee, Our country"

Happy Easter (still)!